I have not the right to live
by Inuyasharocks01862
Summary: Hiccup doesn't think he can live with the guilt of being a constant failure to his father and sibilings weighing on him. will Boden and Una be able to save Hiccup in time, or maybe the gift there parents have for them will help.
1. Chapter 1

Disclamer I don't own the characters of how to train your dragon, or Boden, Una, Nightrainbow, or Stardust, who belong to Kelseyalicia

 _Whilst in my arms you faded away,_

 _leaving me behind, alone, with nothing but memories._

 _You were the light in this dark world of mine,_

 _The spark that brought happiness to mine eyes._

 _Why? Oh why was it you and not me?_

 _The fault for your death lies with me alone ._

 _This I know to be true._

 _For this sin I know I must atone._

Valka sat in a chair next to Hiccup's bed staring at her son hoping that he would stay asleep.

It had taken several hours, but at some point Hiccup had finally cried himself to unconsciousness. Valka couldn't blame him though, her son constantly felt like he was failing his father and siblings, it would break anyone's heart.

Valka let out a long sigh

There had to be something she could do to help her children get through this,

Then an idea hit her, it was a long shot but she had to try, she wanted to be able to see her children smile again.

"Don't give up on life just yet Hiccup" Valka whispered "I'll try to be back soon."

She got up to leave, but just as she got to the door she looked back, Valka knew that she wanted to lighten her son's suffering as much as possible. Or at least try to.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclamer: I don't own anything in this story

When Hiccup awoke the next morning he was at first very confused as to where he was, and then all the memories of what had happened over the past week came flooding back into his mind. He tried very hard to resist the urge cry but alas the tears streamed down his face despite his best efforts. The feeling of sorrow and guilt were unbearable for him. He knew that he wasn't a good big brother or a good son.

This thought made him realize that if he wasn't good enough for his family then he wasn't good enough for anyone.

It was then that Hiccup decided how he would atone for his sin and make sure that no-one else was hurt because of his useless existence.

Not long after that Hiccup sank back into a restless sleep, with his dreams being plagued by the images of people he both knew and didn't know laughing at him and mocking him.

It was just before sunset and Valka was headed to Hiccup's room with her husband Stoick. When they neared there eldest son's room they saw Boden and Una with there new puppies Night Rainbow and Star Dust outside of Hiccup's room, Valka was filled with a sudden dread and she hurried to her two younger children a black puppy in her arms. They were knocking on Hiccup's door and calling his name wanting to show him there new puppies but the boy was not answering.

"Whats going on " asked Valka

" something is very wrong" said Una "Night Rainbow is very agitated, and won't leave Hiccup's door." Una said. "Same with Star Dust." Said Boden

Stoick was immediately worried and without much thought he kicked down the door to Hiccup's room.

"what's going on here son? Why aren't you answering the door? " Stoick said as they all barging into the room, but he halted abruptly causing Valka to bump into him

The room was empty, and there was a note on the pillow of the bed

Valka picked it up for them all to read, Una let out a small gasp and looked out the window.

The note read

Dear mom, dad, Boden, and Una,

I thank you for all of the kindness you have shown me, but I can no longer stand the feeling of failing you all that is weighing on my heart and soul

That is why I feel that I must atone for the all the pain I caused you all it is my fault and for this I must pay the price

At sunset today I will no longer be a burden or a failure for as the sun sets on the horizon my life shall come to an end

Goodbye

Hiccup

Valka looked up from the letter and glanced out the window as well, it was about ten minutes till the sun would fully set

" We have to stop him." Valka said trying to keep the panic out of her voice " where do you think he is?"

everyone was silent for a moment, then Star Dust and Night Rainbow began yipping and ran out of the room. "I think Night Rainbow and Star Dust know where Hiccup is." Stoick said.

Valka took off to go find her son followed close behind by the other two children and husband.

Please don't be dead Hiccup she silently said to herself.

A.N. Sorry if this isn't exactly how we planned it Kelsey, Boden and Una were given there dogs first and Valka was about to give Hiccup his when they found his good bye note. Also this happens a while after Hiccup fails to cheer up his siblings while there at there worst.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclamer I own nothing

Hiccup was sitting on his roof watching the last sunset of his life

Tears were streaming down his face.

" please forgive me mom, dad, Boden, and Una."

The sun was about disappear beyond the horizon so Hiccup stood ready to atone for the sin of his life.

He stood on the very edge of the wall watching the last bit of the sun fade.

Then he heard a door burst open behind him, he quickly pivoted around on the edge of the wall and saw Boden and Una looking worried.

Valka prayed they wasn't to late when the puppies finally led them to the door that led out to the roof.

Boden and Una burst through the door about to shout Hiccup's name and froze, Terrified.

Hiccup was standing on the very edge of the roof, they saw Hiccup turn toward his brother and sister, their eyes locked on each others, and time seemed to move in slow motion for Boden and Una.

They could see the tears tracks on Hiccup's face, could see the immense sorrow in their big brothers green eyes, and the guilt that was tearing him apart.

Hiccup looking straight into his sibiling's eyes said the word " _goodbye_ " in nothing more than a whisper with a trace of a smile, he then spread his arms and fell off the wall backward knowing that the only thing that would catch him would be deaths grasp.

They each reached a hand towards Hiccup wanting to stop him, and felt his hands slip through there own, and knew it was to late to do anything to stop his fall

Thats when everything sped up again, as they watched in abject horror as there brother fell to his death.

 **I hope that those who are reading this are enjoying it. I apologize again if this isn't what you had in mind, but I work with what I got, and what ideas I have. Sorry Kelsey.**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclamer I own nothing

Boden and Una watched in horror as Hiccup fell to his death.

Hiccup had closed his eyes before falling so he couldn't see Boden And Una watching him

Hiccup hit a tree growing close to there house which seemed to slow him down so when he hit the ground impact wouldn't kill him. The tree slowed Hiccup's decent exponentially, this caused Hiccup to open his eyes in shock. When Hiccup hit the ground, he hit it hard and rolled a few feet away and then remained deathly still on his side.

Boden and Una quickly jumped up and hastened to there brother there parents close behind, afraid. Valka put her hand gently on her son's shoulder and rolled him on to his back and promptly breathed a sigh of relief , Hiccup was still breathing and from a quick glance it looked like there were no major broken bones. However the breathing was shallow and it looked like Hiccup had hit his head pretty hard because there was a bad cut on his temple releasing more blood than it should.

Valka adrenalin running through her system, gingerly picked Hiccup up and carried him in her arms to the car in order to get the kid to the hospital as soon as possible.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the hospital Valka gently as possible laid Hiccup on a bed and then looked at the doctor expectantly, fear clearly visible in her eyes.

" Please don't let my son die" was all she could say before clenching her jaw.

" I wont let him I promise" said the doctor.

So as Valka, Boden, Una and Stoick watched the doctor examined Hiccup cleaned him up stitched up the cut in his head.

At the end the doctor sighed and looked at Valka then said

" The cut on his head is bad so he may be unconscious for a while, its hard to tell if he has a concussion or not at this point, also he managed to break a couple of his ribs, but he will live"

With that statement Boden and Una managed a small smile.

Valka sighed and finally took a seat near Hiccup's bed Una on her lap, she had been pacing the whole time the doctor had been working to agitated to sit still.

" thank you" said Valka, turning to her son and daughter she said " you did well Boden and you to Una" Stoick stated as he placed a hand on Boden's shoulder " not many would have tried to grab his hands for fear of falling with him"

At that Boden allowed himself a small smirk.

The doctor looked down at Hiccup, sadness filled his eyes " at this point all we can do is wait for him to regain consciousness, however someone needs to be here when he wakes, the shock that he is still here might be overwhelming, there is no telling what he will do when he wakes"

Valka nodded his agreement "I'll stay here, you three go get some sleep the sun will be up again in a few hours"

" alright we will be back to check on him later" said Stoick as he and there son and daughter left the room.

After the door shut Valka realized that she was still holding the black puppy. "Im sorry lil guy" she said " I forgot you were in there, you can help me keep an eye on Hiccup, he is after all gonna be your new friend and will give you a purpose"

She then put the little puppy on the bed with Teito, it curled up in a ball next to Hiccup's head and fell back to sleep.

Valka gazed at Hiccup completely exhausted

"Son do me a favor and stay asleep for a few hours, please"

She then placed her hand on the bed so that any movements that Hiccup made would wake her up and then closed her eyes and fell into a restless sleep.

 **thanks for reading so far I hope you all like to story**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclamer I own nothing

When Hiccup first regained consciousness his mind felt very muddled and he was unsure of where he was or why he was there. Also his body felt like lead and he registered the fact that everything hurt without even trying to move a muscle.

It then dawned on him that he shouldn't hurt he should be dead, he had fallen off his roof from a hight than no one could have survived. He tried to concentrate and figure out why he was still alive, he didn't want to be alive, at this thought all of the feeling and emotions that had been consuming him since failing to make his brother and sister feel better filled his heart and mind once more. He began to cry again.

At this train of thought Teito finally was able to get his eyes open and take a look at his surrounding. The sun was shining in through the window a look at the bedside clock told him it was about 11 in the morning, he was in the hospital. He then noticed Valka asleep in a chair beside the bed, her hand lightly laid on top of his leg. Hiccup assumed it was there so that Valka would wake up once he moved. His gaze stayed on Valka who looked to be sleeping rather restlessly. _Why was I saved? I don't want to keep living, it hurts to much and I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me_. As these questions and thoughts ran through Hiccup's mind, tears started to fall down his eyes filled with so much sorrow and loss.

Hiccup took his gaze away from his mom and sent it to the side of his bed where between the bed and the wall was a table that had a medical tray sitting on it, and on the medical trey was a small scalpel. If I can get to the knife I can end it before mom can stop me again. Hiccup moved as quickly as he could to get out of the bed and grab the scalpel

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Valka woke with a start and jumped out of her chair, she had felt and sensed Hiccup move to get out of bed, when her eyes landed on Hiccup and for the second time in less than two days her heart almost stopped.

Hiccup was on his feet on the other side of the bed with a scalpel in his right hand and his left hand clutching the side where he had broken his ribs. He was was bringing his right hand up quickly towards his throat a look of sorrowful determination in his eyes.

Valka leaped over the bed toward him just as the scalpel made it to Hiccup's throat, and grabbed his right hand, just after the scalpel had broken the skin and made a small incision, and slammed it into the wall above Hiccup's head hard enough to make her son drop the scalpel. It hit the floor with a loud clang. Anger flared up in Hiccup and he tried to hit Valka with his left hand but Valka also grabbed that one and pinned it above Hiccup's head without ever taking her eyes away from the Hiccup's green ones. Valka pinned both of Hiccup's arms to the wall with her left hand and the put her right hand against Hiccup's throat

And saying each word slowly Valka hissed "What do you think you are doing?"

Valka was beyond angry she could not believe that Hiccup tried to kill himself AGAIN!

Hiccup visibly flinched at the question and tried to divert his angry gaze

"Look at me Hiccup" the anger in her voice dripping from every word

Hiccup returned his gaze to Valka's face "I asked you a question, what do you think you are doing?"

At that point all of the anger drained from Hiccup's face leaving nothing but a look of sadness "I don't want to do this anymore mom" he whispered tears coming to his eyes again to run their course down his face.

"do what?"

"live" he let out a shuddering breath " I don't want to live anymore, nor do I deserve to live"

He whispered the last part more to himself than to his mom.

Valka sighed and released her anger, only her concern for her son remained in her face.

She then realized that Hiccup was beginning to shake from his weakened state and if it wasn't for the fact that he had Hiccup's arms pinned to the wall, he would have fallen to the floor.

"Hiccup" she said releasing his arms and quickly scooping him up in her arms bridal style " of course you deserve to live, everyone has the right to live"

"But I'm a failure." Hiccup tried to interject looking up into his mom's eyes but Valka cut him off

"You are not a falure to anyone, not to Boden, or Una, or even to your father."

She put emphasis on father.

Valka paused for a moment to let this sink in to Hiccup's head, Hiccup seemed to calm down a little and he was able to stop his tears

" Do you understand now that you have to keep on living?"

Hiccup nodded

"Good" Valka gave Hiccup a tight hug and kissed her eldest child on the forehead " if I put you down on the bed are you going to stay put and not do anything stupid? I need to patch up that cut on your throat before you lose anymore blood"

Hiccup nodded again

Valka placed Hiccup on the bed, grabbed the bandages, then set down next to the him and proceeded to patch up the cut which wasn't as bad as she had first thought it would be when she had placed her hand on his throat to stop the bleeding.

When Hiccup could finally speak again he asked " why was I saved, I mean who grabs at someone falling just to save them?"

Valka stopped what she was doing and looked at Hiccup " Because Boden and Una love you very much"

"why"

" because I care about you, a lot, and because I spent a lot of time and effort looking for something for you and I didn't want all that to go to waist" Valka's grinned at her son

At that precise moment the little black puppy jumped onto the bed beside Hiccup causing him to jump in shock.

" ahh right on cue, Hiccup this little creature is Toothless"

"say what" Teito said looking very confused, taking the little puppy into his arms

"Toothless was born with the purpose of making you happy, when no one else can, and he is a rare night fury wolf hybrid, it took a lot of work to get this breed of dog for you." Valka said.

Hiccup looked at Toothless and felt an instant connection, as if they had met before in the distant past.

"Thank you Toothless for being reborn." Valka whispered sitting down in the chair and falling asleep herself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that day when Stoick, Boden and Una came to check on Hiccup, Valka told them that Hiccup wouldn't make another attempt on his own life and that they wouldn't have to worry about it anymore

" how do you know?" asked Stoick

Valka looked down at Hiccup's sleeping form and smiled at Toothless "Because he now has a reason to live"

 **A. you for readiing this story, and I'm sorry Kelsey if this isn't what you had in mind. I did the best I could.**


End file.
